"Piranha 3D" is not for the squeamish. It's also not for anyone looking to spend $15 wisely.
Apparently, people are looking for a quality film, and not a quantity of dead teenagers. I was the lone female in a not-so-crowded theater this weekend. Maybe that's because "Piranha 3D" is filled with boobs, blood, and boobs. Yeah, I said boobs twice; this movie has a lot of them.
Not that there's anything wrong gratuitous nudity. "Piranha 3D" knows exactly what it is and doesn't waste anyone's time trying to disguise itself as otherwise. It also really doesn't disguise itself as a 3D movie, completely eliminating the "3D" part from the title credits.
That's wise. The 3D for this horror movie isn't awful, but it's not great either -- especially not for a movie that flaunts it in the title. Director Alexandre Aja ("The Hills Have Eyes") did not have the budget to do 3D from the get-go, so this is another post-conversion. However, it is one of the better efforts, even with a much lesser budget.
Still, better does not mean even close to perfect. As a result, the film's image suffers. Apparently, when Hell is unleashed, it's kind of dark and difficult to see. That means much of the carnage comes off as cluttered. Maybe it's the sand, the underwater action, the plethora of piranha, or just the cheap-o filmmaking. There's eyeballs popping out of the screen, a few of the evil fish, and an unbelievably clear nude girl-on-girl water ballet scene. The latter apparently sucked up most of the film's visual budget (can't blame them there).
Overall though, the movie lacks the same depth as other 3D movies, instead going for the cheap thrills. However, cheap thrills are what "Piranha 3D" is all about.
After all, it's spring break, people -- with multiple porn-star cameos. Apparently, the only thing that can unearth prehistoric, killing fish is a good party and Richard Dreyfuss. The "Jaws" actor makes a cameo for this remake of the '70s B-movie. That's not the only similarity to "Jaws," though. The Lake Victoria backdrop is a vacation destination, and even Elisabeth Shue does her best Chief Brody. Aside from the above, most of the movie focuses on the carnage.
Sadly, lot of that carnage was featured in the leaked footage from a few weeks back. If you are planning to see the movie, I'd recommend not watching the footage; it will make the movie a lot more fun.
Speaking of fun, there are also plenty of famous faces, including Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Christopher Lloyd, Steven R. McQueen and Jessica Szohr. Also, Jerry O'Connell has a pretty prominent part as the don't-call-me-Joe-Francis pornographer, Derrick Jones.
"Piranha 3D" will make you jump, shield your eyes, and even laugh on occasion (Derrick's comeuppance, in particular). It is scary, but not nearly as much as a small movie soda -- that sucker was $5 and the size of a Coors Party Ball. That's pretty darn scary, but the movie does have its moments, too. As long as you know what you are getting into, you can grab that ginormous soda and have a bloody good time.