It's the review you've been waiting for, and the one I've been putting off... The Last Airbender has been receiving insanely bad reviews. Those reviews did not disappoint in the least. M. Night Shyamalan's latest movie is a complete mess. It's so bad, the previews before the movie were way more interesting -- and the 3D on them was a lot better to boot.

See this pic from The Last Airbender above? That's probably the coolest scene in the movie. Also, this pic is about as 3D as the movie actually gets.

From the get-go, the 3D effects in The Last Airbender are bad. For a minute, I had to look around to see if I was in the 2D theater. This movie was converted into 3D after the fact -- or at least I think it was. I'll need to see the bill on that. This film's 3D has to be the worst to date, although that's a difficult claim to make since I did not subject myself to Clash of the Titans.

Even worse than the 3D being bad, the movie is bad (surprise!). Humans have magical powers to control fire, water and earth. Only one has dibs on the air, and he is the Avatar. After a lengthy absence, the Avatar is back and in the form of a bratty, brooding kid (Noah Ringer). Two teens (Nicola Peltz and Jackson Rathbone) rescue the blessed one, only to have him snatched from their care. From there, the race is on to see who can capture the Avatar. Unfortunately, it's the most boring race ever captured on film.

Now back to the technology. Allowing 3D tickets to be sold for this movie is the equivalent to being mugged. Probably two images appeared 3D, as well as a few title sequences. Oooh... don't get everyone rushing out to adopt the technology at once, fellas!

While many films use 3D to create a sense of depth, this film is lacking such a sensation in every scene. If you are going to use fire, water and rocks as weapons, please make it look cool. It may as well have been rock, paper and scissors. When the Avatar is first unearthed, there's a huge explosion of shattering ice. Should be cool, right? Well, that would be if any 3D effects were actually used.

However, even the non-3D effects in general are extremely bad. For the $50 million spent on the movie, you'd think some would have gone to effects. The sets look expensive, the costumes look expensive, and the craft services must have made a killing off this sizable cast. Sadly, not much seemed to be left for the fire, water, earth and air thing. I think I could have created better effects with a matchbook, a roll of toilet paper and a squirt gun.

Which brings me back to the crappy 3D conversion process. Thanks to that nonsense, any possible cool 2D effects come off as dark, muddy, and with barely negligible detail. The Avatar's pet/ride looks like a blurry Snuffleupagus. Hold on; that makes the character sound way cooler than he actually is. He's flat and boring and a complete waste of time. Towards the film's climax, there is a ship scene where the boat pops off screen a bit. By then, though, it's sort of too late. The damage has been done.

Sadly, this could have been a cool cartoon, which is what the film is based on. Instead, the dialogue is hideous and the acting is even worse. Did Ringer snag his role based on the shape of his head?

The Last Airbender makes The Happening look like an awesome movie -- an awesome 3D movie. Shyamalan owes moviegoers a serious explanation, or at least a few bucks back. They are making this into a series? I'd rather undergo a series of eye pokes.