This Alice isn't 10 feet tall. Instead, she's in 3D, making it way easier to creep you out than anything Grace Slick ever sang -- or wore, for that matter.

You can thank director Tim Burton for Alice in Wonderland's creepiness. He really does seem to have weird down to a science. Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory were all a showcase for the director's signature style. Alice does too. It's goth and it's pretty. It's just not very good.

First, let's get one thing straight: Burton's fractured fairy tale is more about Through the Looking Glass than retelling of the Disney cartoon classic. That's just as well because the cartoon is a gem and this is a bit of a mess.

Instead of a Wonderland, it's just sort of weird, and not in a brilliant, Tim Burton way. It's borderline boring, as are its characters. Yes, even Johnny Depp's Hatter is more bad than mad. It's usually a given that anything Depp touches is awesome. Not this time, Johnny. He has crazy eyes, flip-flops his accent, and busts a move -- literally, which blows any credibility the film has right out of the water. The dancing comes at the end of the movie, so maybe he just didn't care anymore. I know I didn't.

The real winner here is Helena Bonham Carter. In between her giant head, pig demands and hedgehog golf, she is the film's one shining star. I wish I could say more for Crispin Glover, who is incredibly one-dimensional in a world that's anything but.

Speaking of dimensions, Disney added 3D to this film after the fact. Because there's a lot of trippy imagery, you'd think the 3D would be blow your eye sockets out. However, it's even more disappointing than the actual movie. Things do swirl around the rabbit hole, teacups fly, and the aforementioned hedgehog makes you want to duck (or shout "fore!"). However, like the movie, it's just not very special. Also, it takes a whole 30 minutes before any good 3D special effects happen. That's almost half the movie. Shouldn't we only have to pay half the 3D ticket price?

Is Alice worth the 3D? It depends on how many drugs you've got. Some of Alice's imagery may be cool, but it looks like they left the best parts of the movie down the rabbit hole.

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